It happens. When once in a while you run out of people to rant to at this hour (an unearthly 3.41am to be exact), as well as channels to vent frustrations. I'm not washing dirty linen in public. I just need to rant. Badly. So don't judge or ask why the hell do I say these things on a public blog where EVERYBODY, ANYBODY can access and know how my life's like. Cos I like it. It's that simple. That's why people invent ONLINE blogs isn't it? To document life-a channel to vent 'whatevernonsensefeelings'.

If you're a good friend of mine or someone close, you'd know I'm pretty much a very liberal person. Honestly, I don't really give a hoot about people who judge me- how they think of me as a person, the things I do, the people I hang out with. But I mind it VERY MUCH when someone I'm close to, judges me as a person. And I cannot stand those who claim that there're my friends, but stab me in the back ,treat it as if nothing's happened and think things will remain the same- that we'd still be friends. I'm sorry, but I ain't so forgiving and I don't have a GI-NORMOUSLY kind heart. I'm not trying to say that I am a very good friend. I admit I've bitched about this so often, to so many people I think when karma strikes me back, it strikes me double. Then again, I haven been a very good friend, because you haven't as well. So for now, goodbye to you.

What's the point of believing in marriage and in relationships when you don't try to make them work for yourself? Because I believe 2 people in love should learn to accomodate, respect, as well as communicate with each other more than to any other people. I love you Momo and Dad. I do not like to see 2 people I love quarrel over stupid things.

Momo and Dad had a bad quarrel. I know couples tend to quarrel as and when. But when part of the reason for the quarrel involves me, it hurts. I do not understand that particular reason nor understand why I am dragged into this shit. As much as I hoped to explain the part about myself to them, I couldn't be bothered to. I couldn't bother, but I am upset. Cus' it seems I haven been a very good daughter (it's never easy being the only child). I never liked arguments. Deep inside,  I really hate it. I hate how it drains my energy and will make me want to sit and daze for hours. I hate it how it will keep me awake simply by thinking about what happened. I hate how it jolts me awake and make me realize that I was dreaming about another quarrel. I hate how it ruins my mood. I hate how it will make me pull a long face all day. I hate how one quarrel will lead to another. Even with D. I'd feel damn lousy about myself when it happens and all I do about it is cry myself to slp, do something to distract myself from thinking too much, or go somewhere to numb the feeling. I remember having a very bad quarrel with D, when I cried a lot. And even then crying seemed wrong cus I was told ,all I knew to do, was to shed tears. I felt I came so far with him and was pushed back to the pits again. Cus I felt he didn't understand me. Then again, I quarrel more with the people I love. Because they're of utmost importance to me, I tend to expect more, and get more upset when I find that they don't understand why I do things a certain way and how I think. And guess what, I always get the "I don't understand what you're thinking" and the "I don't understand why you are like this" in quarrels. Wow. I didn't expect myself to be so difficult to comprehend as a person, as a daughter, as a friend, as a girlfriend. Not trying to be sacarstic, but , are my thoughts so hard to read?

You know when life's on a downslide, everything seems to be going wrong and nothing seems to be able to make things right. But I'm glad I have my friends and D here. You know who you are. Love ya'll. Cus' you're the ones who make me feel complete. The ones whom I know will always be there for me no matter what happens.

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